happy cny
Feeling: down, moodyPlaying: 98.7FM, some song.. can't be bothered
Location: home
first of all.. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~! GOOD FORTUNE AND BLESSINGS BE WITH YOU THIS ROOSTER YEAR~
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just finished watching "i do i do" with korkor and his frd. it's a bullcrap show. not that i am against local production and not supportive but gawdd... it's really a low grade movie.. compared to Jack Neo's previous production, pao ba hai zi (is it? i can't rmb the title), this movie is erm.. just like the 'money no enough' show. I just hope parents won't bring their kids to watch this show. It's full of unpleasant languages and i am sure you don't want your kids to pick them up. =)
but if you are looking for something to laugh about and see how silly our local actors and actresses can get, go watch it. =p
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hmm.. been thinking alot lately. sigh. anyone out there.. what's love? sigh.
i can't handle his emotions. i don't say nice things or give good advice. i don't make him feel comfortable when we go shopping. (as compared to his ex)
it's just bothering to know that she has these qualities that i don't. I have never felt so down before. it's downer than down, downest of the downest~! gawwwddd... someone please pull me out of this emotional roller coaster, i can't hold on any longer.
and i always think that most girls are prettier than me. ( i admit i am not good looking, in fact, i won't call myself good.) yes... i am not confident about myself. not most of the time. cos my parents never thought that i was perfect, noone does. *sniffs* (got to snap out of this)
i am just so moody now. it's cny, and i wasted 3 days of my study break. i have 3 papers to study for. anyone please... (except you jj)
sometimes i really wonder, why did i ever get involved with someone whom i know will hurt me? i am just not meant to be with anyone cos i am so lousy as a girlfriend. honestly.. after seeing so many bad experiences around me, i am starting to draw back my tots of getting married.. not to mention having kids as well.
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*closes eyes* i wished i was in the middle of the dance floor. unnoticed and just doing my thing. just like the first time i went to China Black with Nic Lim. arhhh.. i want to experience that again. suddenly, i miss nic. he was, no... he is a very precious friend of mine. i don't know what i would do without him. i know i have hurt him a few times with false hopes but he never fails to forgive me and let me into his life again. after 2 or 3 tries, we have come to realise that we should just leave it to fate. but part of me just know that we can't be tgt. it's weird when it comes to relationship. i am fine with being friends with most guys, just not my boyfriend.. once you get too near, you will see my horns. (i guess that's what jj is seeing now. i told you i am never a good gf.)
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argh.. i feel so constipated. stucked. grounded. insecure. clueless. foggy. immersed. lost.
constipated becos i took iron pills, i am constipated. not just physically but emotionally. I want to express how i feel but i can't. just like i feel so bloated and i need to go poo but i can't seem to do so. stucked becos my parents are controlling me again and i am neither here nor there. I am 20 but not yet 21. i want to do that but i can't, i want to do this but i can't. grounded becos i can't seem to be moving on with my past and problems. insecure becos i don't know what my future will be like, i don't know how long i can hold on to my relationship, i don't know how long i can take my mother's craps (i'm sorry mom but i just can't stand it any longer.) clueless becos i do not know what to do with my life now or to do with jj. foggy becos i don't see light and i can't seem to see God anymore when i close my eyes. immersed becos i am drowning in my own tears that has been created in my heart. i can't seem to stay afloat anymore cos i am tired of what life is throwing at me again. lost becos i can't find my directions.
there's this yearning inside of me that so want to run away and fly away like nicole kidman in moulin rouge..
I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin
To live again
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends
One day I'll fly away
Fly fly away
this 3 paragraphs kinda describes how i feel.
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all i know, i will continue to hope.
hoping is good cos it keeps me going.
going makes me do something.
something makes me find my way again.
finding my way makes me FOUND not LOST.
Found makes me have a sense of belonging.
a sense of belonging makes me secure.
security makes me contented.
contentment makes me happy.
happiness makes my life worth living once again.
so it all begins with hope. =) come on~ let's continuing hoping. cos hoping will bring me happiness and make my life see light again.
posted by JL @ 2:55 AM
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