moody tuesday
Feeling: slightly moody, unhappy, like an imposterPlaying: 98.7FM, Baby it's you by JoJo
Location: TSP
Tuesday afternoon, a few minutes before lunch.. i am blogging cos i have a few things on my mind. sigh. seriously bothering me and making me think too deeply again. I feel moody, unhappy and unreal. (I wished karen would stop walking ard and looking at my lappie's screen! If only i can dig her eyes out. *meanie sharOn* She is someone whom my colleauge and I can't trust and stand. *bitchy sharOn*)
Last night, after work.. I met Keith at Suntec to watch "Taxi". He was late. I was actually fine until I met him. Sometimes I really don't understand why I react this way to him. When he's not around, i miss him. When he's around me, i wished he would just shut up and do something right. (Sorry dear.) To me, he appears afraid of making me angry and seems to think too much before making a move.
-after lunch-
Sigh.. is it PMS acting again or is it just me? I feel so grumpy and easily irritated. gooses! my right ear hurts a bit cos of my ulcer. (it just doesn't seem to heal.) Maybe it's the discomfort in my stomach and the ulcer that is causing me to feel this way. Do you think so? sigh. honestly, i am feeling guilty for being this way but i don't want things to be like that. i pray and hope for the best. *hang in there sharOn*
Another thing that has been on my mind.. Further studies. Mom commented that she wants me to go Uni but she then contradicts herself by saying," You sure you can get in or not?" I am not speaking bad about her but what kind of a parent would say this? sigh.. i guess i will just have to take it as some form of encouragement. She is using reverse psychology to make me do better. Right? *nods nods* (I feel like a mad kiddo, questioning and answering myself.)
I have two options:
(1) Do full time degree & work part time.
(2) Do part time degree & work full time.
Honestly, everyone would love to go for option number one but i am comtemplating on the fact that i may not have pocket money if i go Uni (well, i don't have allowance from my parents now either, so what difference does it make?). I admit i love to spend money, i want to be able to live a more luxurious life.. think again; who doesn't? *argh*
Maybe it's the greedy and childish side of me talking.. Sigh. *torn* I need to grow up and think more maturely. I know i am capable of doing so. but there are just too much things up in my mind that i just can't seem to think straight. I am crazy.
wait a minute, this entry sounds depressing. but who cares? i contradict myself. i talk to myself. i figure things out myself. i work out a way myself. it's all about myself.
I am stubborn. I am selfish. I am hot-tempered. I am not good.
No.. I don't want to be that. help! There are just too much that time cannot erase. There are just too much hurt that time cannot heal.
I used to be a strong girl. I know I am. Deep down inside. Right?
I used to be a nice and likeable being. I know I am. Please.. let that girl go and let her be here once more.
I hate to being pouring these issues out now but i just can't take it at this point of time. I am sorry peeps if i upset any of you in anyway.
I need to reflect on myself. *nods*
[m][e][s][s][a][g][e][s]
Eugene: I am fine. don't worry. don't be alarm by my entry ok? *smiles*
posted by JL @ 12:25 PM
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