poo-poo^infinity
Feeling: a little sick cos of my blocked nose, puffy eyes, scared, worried, anxiousPlaying: 98.0FM, traffic news
Location: TSP
"it's 9th december. there are lots of traffice jams. along the AYE, ECP... blah blah.. please be careful when you are on the road.. and if you have any traffic news.. please call.. blah blah.. Traffic news proudly brought to you by SPH.." (i think)
Kelly Clarkson got a new song! "Since you've been gone"
what happened? what happened? what happened?
I still hate programming. in fact, even more. i can't imagine if i have to be put through programming again for another semester with the same lecturer, the same notes, the same project, the same attitude towards programming.. but different classmates, different life, different path that i am forced to take..
the original path:
grad in mid april 2005, work for a few mths, try for SMU.
the forced-to-take path:
grad in nov 2005, work till god-knows-when... SMU? can forget about it larh.
sigh..
i went to school to meet my school's student counsellor, Mr Lee Ee Tat, at 11am. He invited another student development office, Ms Lim Ai Choo, to sit in cos she's taking her Masters in counselling.. both from SP dept of student & alumni affairs..
grrr... it was rather hard to open up cos i don't know where to start and i am pretty much tired of repeating my story over and over again..
so from 11am - 12.30pm, my mom and i tried to make the counsellors understand our situation. I told them it's a very crucial decision for us, cos if i have to repeat it means that my mom have to wait for another 6 mths to make some decisions concerning my family.. I really want to finish my dipolma asap and get on with life.. at least i will be able to help my mom with the house hold bills and stuff that requires to lessen her burden.
right now, i am neither here nor there.. pretty caught up in the middle.
well, the conclusion..
They will present my case to the director and I will have to wait for the answer. As long as I have not heard a 'NO' from the school, it means that i will still have a chance.
sigh.. (oOpss.. the lady came to ask me about the invoices.. better hurry and get back to work.) I just dowan to repeat okie! I admit, i hate failing and this is the FIRST time i have ever encounter such a thing called "FAILED" in my examination results. I never had an 'E' (subsidary pass, now known as 'D-'), i have been a average B/C student.. I worked hard for what i deserve. I just DOWAN to repeat that freaking, poo-poo^infinity IADT! *begs* let me get through!
gggrrrr... last night, i kinda broke down. I cried and told mummy that i dowan to come to work cos i dowan to see people. it just gets so frightening. i have reached my limits and beyond. for the past few weeks, months maybe.. i couldn't control my temper. i threw it at mummy and keith.. sigh.. i am helpless. i do not know what i should do.. but i am glad that mummy understands what i am going through and she helped me through everything.
the 'sayang' she gave me last night just comforted me so much.. just like how someone pats and strokes his/her pet.. the same feeling i had. then she said i have to go to work. she doesn't want me to stay at home in case i do something silly. *giggles*
sidetrack: the counsellor asked if i had any tots of death. i replied, "yes but i have my hopes. so i dare not do anything silly."
oh well.. i admit again that many things i just wished i could just jump off the building so that all will just go away. not knowing what will happen after death either. but for that moment, i just couldn't take it all in anymore..
i trust God that he will make a way for me. and I hold on to my Faith and Hopes..
Hopes to have a better life for mummy and my future family. I have dreams of doing business management in SMU. Then i would major in marketing. I would get a job in the sales line of a big MIC. I would get married at 26. Maybe a car at 27, if my pocket allows.. have a condo in tanjong rhu before having my first kid at 28 or 29.. then the second at 31. *giggles* enough? i actually wanted 4. *blushes* if i can get a twins at one of my pregnancy.. tat would be a blessing!! *blushes* then... by 55, i would have an established company of my own.. hehe.. it would be a lingerie shop. *laughs* maybe a little cafe like place for mummy.. her cooking is the best! esp for western cooking. *drools* then.. i don't know already. hahaha.. never plan that far yet..
---
anyway, the day before, a lecturer called me regarding my appeal letter. that sickening poo-poo.. was so rude. even mummy dun like him.
arh.. oh yer.. i managed to plan my time table (in case i don't get thru with my appeal) in a way that i will be doing 6 mods this semester and 1 the last semester. hahaha.. mummy likes the idea too.. then i can spend the last semester working.. and less stress. *smiles*
in the meantime, everyone TAKE CARE!
[m][e][s][s][a][g][e][s]
Eugene: Congrats! pass loh!
Jacob: smile smile smile..
Joann: thanks babes for visiting 'me'..
Keith: giraffe beh.. gelare.. lalalalala! I wait.
posted by JL @ 9:47 AM
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