living the world of hers; contradictions

why is it so hard?

Feeling: so difficult
Playing: Liang Jing Ru's Yong Qi
Location: Home

it's so hard to give up on something that you love so dearly. it's even harder to give up on the person you love. as time goes by, feelings grow. you start to feel attached to him.

i thought i could make it through with just his love but it's not easy when i am someone who wants so much more. yet he is someone who accepts what little i can offer.

today was no different from the last two weekends i had. it was spent without him. we are both differnt. he's logical, i am practical. i am emotional, he's not. he wants to spend time alone when he's moody but i want him to be around me when i am moody.

you say, "as long as love is present, it can overcome all odds." really? what if i can no long feel that love but i know that he loves me. how can i carry on when noone says anything? how can i carry on when i can't understand him anymore?

wounds will heal only if nothing irritates it. how can a wound heal if it gets stabbed over and over again? even if time permits, the flesh won't be able to hold on and i might just one day give up and perhaps the fade away...

it's like losing all hopes. losing my only hope is like losing my everything. he is my only hope (i guess that's why i can't give up just yet). i don't know how much longer can i hold. i don't understand why can't i just give up.

another 12 days to my birthday... do i have to go through this heart ache again? i am so afraid of what's to come. what if he's moody again next weekend?

"life's unfair" is what i told one of my friends when he complained to me about his "new" life in tekong. i suppose it applies to everyone too.

i am tired too but i try not to be and go on cos there's more to life than just being tired. i just hope and pray that you don't make me give up cos it will be the end.

i feel so messed up. i feel so lost. i can't seem to climb out of what i am in. i want things to go back to the way it was. i want my life to be back on track. yet this dream seems so far and out of reach. what is gonna happen to me?

why do i have to go thru so much pain before my birthday? I remember my 20th birthday was spent in much fear. I remember my 19th spent in lots of unhappiness.

This year, my wish is no different from the rest. I just want to be happy and my life to be back on track again.

goodnights.

posted by JL @ 10:36 PM