living the world of hers; contradictions

An emo and thoughtless entry

Feeling: emo
Playing: power 98

The past week wasn't quite what I wanted it to be.
I had little sleep, I was terribly grumpy, I neglected my job, I felt handicapped when I couldn't do my Economics assignment. To cut it short, I wasn't particularly happy.

It got to a stage where I think my words were cruel towards Kris and I avoided talking to my mother. I couldn't feel anything, it was like a love-less week for me. I now feel nothing, like my heart turned cold after the week long of hibernation.

Thinking back, I rather have it this way. Seems like a protective shell around me have given me comfort. My only source of security. This way, I won't have expectation of anything or anyone. I live for myself.

This is how the world works, isn't it? And the above sounds like I lost God.

I can't seem to find my way back to Him. This is a very sad thing but I am determined to find that way back.

The good thing is... I still have my friends. From them, I expect nothing. So no heartbreaks. What they say or do, are for that moment. A moment which can be turned into a memory that allows me to choose whether I want to keep it or forget it.

The bad thing is... My work and school have become the affairs in my life. Instead of turning to my family and friends, I turn to work and school.

I feel sad and really emo now after what I wrote. I should stop now. I have gotta bounce back up, it's been too long that I am like this.

Does anyone out there understand how I feel? Anyone willing to give me hope, comfort and sense of security again? I just need to feel a little of those to know that there's a life out there other than just work and school.

Disclaimer: Please don't come and throw that life in my face, I am a slow warmer, I take time to trust and learn about the intentions. Like I said, I wear a shield. I may appear happy and pretend nothing is wrong but deep inside me, I tear and scream like nobody's business.

posted by JL @ 8:52 AM