living the world of hers; contradictions

some things, time can't erase

Feeling: like breaking and being tear apart
Playing: my immortal by Evanescence



I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
(azlyrics.com)

click here for full lyrics.

I have got no idea how many times I have been listening to this song since last night. I have it on Scratch, on Nano, now... it's playing on my blog. :/

I thought I was doing fine, I thought I have stopped the pain, I thought I am moving on fine, I thought I have given up on him, I thought I have become stronger. Sigh. I guess those were just stories made up to lie to myself, so that I will feel better and I can carry on with my work and studies without being affected.

Argh. This pain is just too much, I need more time and hopefully time will ease the pain. I have become so unsure of myself and this is making me believe that I should stay out of relationships cause I am unstable.

If I really love him, I should let him go and not bring him down with me. I should leave him alone, and let him be happy.


Edit:
To stop myself from beating myself up so much, I have decided to delete his contacts off my mobile, off my msn list and off my bookmarks. This is something which I never thought I would do but I need to stop myself from being in contact with him so that I can go on. Right? cheer me on. This is harder than I thought.

posted by JL @ 9:18 AM