living the world of hers; contradictions

i m back

Feeling: happy Playing: class 95

Instead of studying for my Economics paper, working hard and making full use of my second chance, I am here blogging. I ought to be shot dead, at times, for my lack of discipline to concentrate on a subject which I am not interested in. Shame on me, really.

Then again, this is me. No one can really force me to do what I do not like to do. The consequences I face, are terrible most of the times. For example: I might fail this supplementary paper and have to redo the whole unit and pay another six-hundred-eighty Aussie buckaroos, which is really unnecessary if I had listen to everyone else and studied harder. Tsk.Tsk. Studying for Economics is like forcing poison down my throat, if have to give you an analogy. Laughs!

Btw, I am typing in on MS Words because I have no internet connection, due to the change in power boxes and rewiring in progress now. This is another stupid matter. My mother forgot to inform me that work will be in progress today from 9am to 5pm. I wanted to head out to study, but I was lucky enough to get cramps, so I decided to just study in the kitchen where natural lighting and wind is provided abundantly.
Thank goodness, Pearl runs on battery, Scratch is still surviving on the two bars left and Nano is charged to provide me with music.

That is beside the point of why I am blogging. Here is the main idea.

I had this conversation with my friend a few days back when my PMS was at its peak and I felt like the whole world is against me, leaving me with totally no mood and no interest in anything.

Me : I wish I could restart and everything will be changed.

Friend : Really? What do you want to change?

Me : Er… Change how I decide on certain things.

Friend : But things that have happened in the past make you who you are today. You sure you want to change that?

I cannot be any more grateful to this friend of mine. He is simply incredible when it comes to knocking sense into me. I think he’s a wizard in disguise. *grins*

I told my friend how silly and dumb I felt the last few weeks. I feel ashamed for entertaining the thoughts of my ex-boyfriend wanting to get back with me, even after he slap those words right into my face where he stated loud and clear that he wishes to not see me again. Somehow the way he treated me, made me feel like I was a stalker not wanting to let him go.

I have to say, I admire him for sticking by his decision and being so firm. Had it not been his determination to stick by his decisions, I don’t think I can get through this any quicker. And so I conclude, he still has a heart and cares for me (in another way). Laughs!

Every relationship is an experience, and if I don’t learn anything out of it, it will be a wasted one. Thankfully, this is not the case. I learnt more than what I expected. Not necessary through him, it is because of him that I found certain qualities in myself which I never thought I possess.

I don’t necessarily need someone to sweep me off my feet to make me feel better because that is the last thing I need right now. Ask me about how I feel towards falling in love, I have become a skeptic. I just need to know what I want in life and work towards it. I am responsible for my own happiness.

I guess when things are at its lowest, it will have to bounce back up. And the time has come for me to bounce back up and stay there for as long as I can.


Hey Kris, good luck in your new career path. I hope you are happier because I am. I will definitely be able to lead a better life. For the record, the only “silly thing” I did was most probably not letting you go earlier. And I didn’t hate you, the fact was I hated myself more and I admit I was at fault to have placed the last straw on the camel’s back. I hope you are feeling less guilty now, because those weren’t my intentions.


I am on a step-by-step program to find my hidden qualities. I feel like the luckiest girl alive because I have very very very very very very very supportive people around me.

OH! The electricity is back! I am happier than 5 minutes ago! Time to transfer this onto blogger.

posted by JL @ 4:38 PM