living the world of hers; contradictions

i am still here

Feeling: tired, constipated
Playing: power 98
Location: tsp

hi peeps.

i am alive.
but i am too tired to think about anything to blog or upload my pictures for you to see.

i haven't stopped working overtime since 15 August (refering to my calendar). not that i am complaining about working overtime, i am just saying that i think i grew 10 years older just by working so much.

last thursday and friday, i had the exhibition. i stayed till past midnight for preparation and the actual day itself. then saturday, i had a whole day of meeting with my customers.

sigh. if only i am not so green in this industry, i will know how to handle things better.

so much things to do until i am scared of going home. too many nightmares to count. no matter how much i sleep, i am still tired.

i feel horrible and terrible (and if he can understand how i truly am feeling and response to the way i want him to, then again, i will be expecting too much out of him. *confused*).

once again, don't ask me about "work". i am constantly thinking about it as tho it's injected into my blood. what's worth living for right now is becos of him, yet i couldn't express myself better last night when we quarrelled.

maybe it's true, i do not know what i want or what i am thinking. i ought to be shot dead sometimes for talking.

[m][e][s][s][a][g][e]:

YY, I miss you. why aren't you here with me now? *sobs*

posted by JL @ 10:19 AM 0 comments

weekend is here~

Feeling: stomach discomfort
Playing: power 98
Location: TSP

yey! weekend is here! tho this coming weekend will be packed with activities but still, no work means yey! yey! yey!

did aromatheraphy last night. burnt lavender to sleep. shiok! sleep until cannot wake up. power.

hm. tomorrow. YY and I will be meeting. together with my other few colleagues cos we are gonna have dinner at east coast~ yum.
not going already. sad. colleagues cannot make it. nvrmind. i will meet YY with my classmates on Sat~!

posted by JL @ 9:55 AM 0 comments

i used to think that...

Feeling: down-er
Playing: power98
Location: tsp

i forgot what i used to think... the moment i open this page, all the arrows started to befall on me. how sweet.

all i know now is that i am exhuasted. or wait... am i being lazy? it's such a thin line. i can't draw which is what and what is which.

where am i heading to again?


edit
and er... how come he never ask me "what's wrong" when i call him so urgently?

nvrmind. it's just me, myself and i. i am being too needy. sigh.



re-edit
and and.... why am i always missed out on important emails? then my manager thinks that i am not taking action when i receive no such emails? *humphf*

give me so much work to do yet i don't get informed of any changes? then question me. sigh.

heng. he apologised.

(i am just pissed off and i do not want to vent it on anyone, so let me vent it here)

then then the other day, customer scold me. FOR NUTS~!

again.. heng. he called the next day to apologised. if not, i don't think i can continue working here man.



re-re-edit
aaron came to pick me up for lunch. yum. yoshinoya at harbour front. this short meet kinda injected some joy back into my life.

too bad. aaron is leaving on the 19th back to states for his studies. sigh. one friend less to meet, a whole lot of fun lesser too.

thank you aaron.



re-re-re-edit
i am exhuasted. i caught myself staring at the computer screen too many a times. i just lost myself half way through my work. scary. it's another 20 min before i can leave. i am so looking forward to home.

posted by JL @ 10:18 AM 0 comments

it's sunday

it's a boring sunday. it's a lazy day. kris where?

posted by JL @ 7:07 PM 0 comments

tgif

Feeling: bloated
Playing: nothing
Location: tsp

"to feel the pain is to make me remember who i am"

mummy asked me this morning about my work
i replied it was heavy
she asked why was i behaving the way i am
i shouted back at her and told her not to ask

i feel horrible
i didn't want to do what i did
but i am just tired
i wished everyone would stop asking me about my work
cos it's just tiring
i don't want to talk about work
period.

posted by JL @ 9:00 AM 1 comments

no more M for me

Feeling: yucky
Playing: nothing
Location: home

I dowan to eat McDonalds already.
I feel sick after having them for lunch.
Kris feels sick too.
the chemicals.
gawd.
it kills people.
No More.
except breakfast.
hiak hiak.

posted by JL @ 3:35 PM 0 comments

i wished i knew

Feeling: a little sick
Playing: Power 98
Location: TSP

i really shouldn't be blogging now. then again, it's lunch time. keke...

alrighty...

i know i haven't been feeling smiley lately
it's kinda hard to feel happy when i feel all worked-out
making me feel sick
i wonder how much longer can i grind through this
sometimes i get this queasy feeling
it feels as though my world is falling into a small black hole
never ever to see the opening

i don't feel so strong as i use to be
i can't seem to fight as hard as i use to
i am scared
i am disappointed at how limited my abilities are to me

where's my light
where's my destination
where's my journey leading me to

i wished i knew

posted by JL @ 12:29 PM 0 comments

i feel...

Feeling: incapacitated
Playing: power98
Location: tsp

i just feel incapacitated. period.

posted by JL @ 9:48 AM 0 comments