living the world of hers; contradictions

Mirror and Monkey

posted by JL @ 9:50 AM 0 comments

i don't have a life?

Feeling: confused
Playing: Little Superhero Girl By Corrinne May on my Ipod Nano
Location: TSP

My colleague and I had this conversation.

Colleague: "Do you KTV?"
Me: "Seldom."
"Don't you sing?"
"I do, but I just don't ktv."
"wah.. then you loo-gee when you go ktv leh.."
"erm.. okay larh. I don't like clubbing either."
"Hm... you are too young to not have a life."
"..."

bah... Maybe he thinks I work too much too? But I like working wad. That's my life wad.

Is it?

posted by JL @ 8:10 PM 0 comments

my precious, happy birthday

love you lots and i am gonna miss you so much when you are gone. muacks.
(psst.. don't worry kae.. we are only a plane ride away from each other by then.)








and here is a picture of me and my precious....



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..



...



....








Happy Birthday YY!

posted by JL @ 12:23 AM 0 comments

what i see true love is...

Feeling: better
Playing: Without You Here by The Goo Goo Dolls
Location: Home

Hm.. drove to visit my grandparents today. gave them a surprise when i appeared. and i caught them in the act of something..



Isn't this sweet? My granny shaving for my grandpa.



For me... I would buy my husband some nice smelling shaving cream or the electric shave. LOL! I am sweet too.

posted by JL @ 2:39 AM 0 comments

I finally cried for him...

Feeling: hurt
Playing: Where'd you go by Fort Minor
Location: Home

For the first time...
I cried in front of my mother becos of my break up.

I told mummy "it hurts".
She said "God will see me through. Just pray and turn to Him."

I cried even harder knowing that there's no turning back for Kris.

Mummy said again "God will send you someone. Just concentrate on your career."

Tears flowed endlessly.


I understand now... To cry is the only form of release. I can predict my sudden crying spells, so pardon me if you happen to be with me and i cry all of a sudden. Time is healing me. DEAD slowly.

posted by JL @ 5:27 PM 0 comments

lost in new york

Feeling: lost
Playing: Savin' me By Nikelback
Location: Home

I've so many things to say, to express myself in words is just gonna be an unfair deed cos my thoughts run faster than my memory can remember and my fingers can type.

Then again when my thoughts pauses for a moment... I become speechless.

I am beginning to think that I am gonna end up like how i was when i broke up with my ex when i was sixteen. It took me close to four years to completely not feel the pain and yearning for him. Is this going to be like that again?

Kris asked me not to wait for him for he's clueless. He won't listen to anybody's comments cause he feels that noone understands our situation better than we do. But what they say are just parts of truth, things which they experienced before or is experiencing.The truth is, noone really discouraged me from continuing the relationship, so why is he?

i wish my brave strong front crumble so that the walls are broken down and i will be able to speak to him again. right now, it seems as tho our walls are so highly built as if there's war betweenthe both of us (think TROY).

my mind is blank again. only pain running through my veins.

i... am exhuasted.

i want him so, but to lose him, maybe for the better. for he said that he enjoys his singlehood more now. *ouch*

posted by JL @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

day(s) out with Hans & Qi

Feeling: stinky
Playing: Channel 5
Location: Home

Ahh.. Finally.. I had the strength to resize and put the pictures nice nice.. Enjoy please.. the crazy trio~

Notice that we bought things from the same place.. Hans a bag, Qi a wallet and me a bag. WOoOoo... I LOVE ESPRIT. THEY call it RETAIL THERAPY. hiak hiak!!

oh yarh, the pictures aren't exactly very clear, cos too many pictures in one "frame" so cannot save as higher res. Erm.. and erh... in one of the pool pictures with me and Hans in it, you will see everyone chalking their cue. Haha... it's just funny how habitual it is to chalk when you are not playing.

The rest... are just crazy photos which we did. And I gotta thank these two crazy monkeys who brought me out and seeing me thru thick and thin.

Muacks! love you guys so much... (kae i better get my butt to the bathroom before Hans comes to Jurong to kill me. wahahhaha....)

posted by JL @ 12:18 AM 0 comments

spot the mistake

Feeling: hungry
Playing: power 98
Location: home

erm.. i am on mc today. not becos i watched Italy won but becos there was this LOUD thunder storm which woke me up and i had problems sleeping again. and when it was time to wake up, i just couldn't wake up.

anyway, Qi and Hans met up with me on Sat to bring up my moods. after walking for a very long time... Hans needed to visit the loo. so Qi and I waited and I saw something...

posted by JL @ 1:04 PM 0 comments

In life...

Feeling: numb
Playing: Let Love In by Goo Goo Dolls
Location: Home

Something I got off the email. Something for him.


In LIFE, LOVE is NEVER planned nor does it happen for a reason. But when the LOVE is REAL, it becomes your PLAN for LIFE and your REASON for LIVING!


ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you", mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY ONE. Spend some time alone.

posted by JL @ 1:01 PM 1 comments

YY got accepted

Feeling: sad
Playing: nth
Location: Home

YY got accepted into a HK uni. Ouch. she's leaving me.

don't get me wrong. I am happy for her. very happy. but... she's leaving me~!!!!

nvrmind. when she's back, she'll have a brighter future. maybe you will see me travelling to HK more often. :D

YY! YEAH!

posted by JL @ 2:11 AM 0 comments

the truth

Feeling: numb
Playing: Goo Goo Doll's album in my CD player
Location: Home

"The truth about the truths, it hurts; so we lie."



maybe i am still lying to myself so that it won't hurt. therefore, i am numb about all other feelings.

right now, i feel so misunderstood. there's always 2 sides of the story. one side told his. it's just whether i will tell mine or not. the problem is... i don't understand how can someone feel tired about the whole event and still be able to write something about it. shouldn't they feel exhuasted to even think about it?

maybe he have thought it through for a long time. i never thought that it would happen, so i never thought about it.

it took me one week to understand what he meant. but i am still lying to myself. i am lucky enough to have willing friends to see me through it and of course my mom who tried to comfort me. Thank you for doing it. I appreciate it.

i am too tired to think about what is or are or will come. let nature takes its course. let fate play its part. let love be the true judge of this whole phenomenon. let time heal the wounds. let me see the truth and walk down the most correct way.

and the one thing i did badly when i was growing up was failing to learn that the world isn't always colourful. the world has its grey areas too. i deserve what i get. all i need to do now is to learn about the right facts of the world and change for the better.

maybe i wasn't pretty enough. or is my heart too broken? did i cry too much? or am i too outspoken? didn't i make him laugh? i live, i breathe, i let it rain down on me. i sleep, i wake, i try hard not to break. i crave, i love, i waited long enough. i laugh, i feel, i make believe it's real. i fall, i freeze, i pray down on my knees. i hope, i stand, i take it like a man. i try as hard as i can. yet... he still see right through me.

i should learn to be more generous. i should learn to let it go. i should learn to expect less.

i just have the gut feeling that his answer will be the same as what he gave me last week even if he thought it through. i think i know him well enough to say that he will not want to go through another of such experience.

honestly... i am not ready. unprepared. i am still lying to myself cos the truth hurts.

posted by JL @ 1:44 AM 0 comments

hot from the oven

Feeling: accomplished
Playing: I cross my Heart by All for One & Sammi Cheng
Location: Home

WOoHOOo... I am a Graduate of 2006.



Tho these people aren't my batch, still... they were my poly mates. How Cool. :) Oh wait, Jin wei is one of my batch mate. hehehe....


aye... Let me tell you something. Either I am a mountain tortise or it's really freaking HIGH TECH of SP!

We have this slip of paper. Pass it to the usher. Scan. Your name called out by the computer (very sexy lady's voice btw). Walk towards the Director of EEE with your face and movements shown LIVE! on the three big projector screens. Hey hey! Techy not?! :p

Alrighty... I am gonna KooonzzZZz for a while. Tired.

Nighty.

posted by JL @ 5:17 PM 0 comments

sunday moments

Feeling: accomplished
Playing: Liang Jing Ru's Fen Shou Kuai Le
Location: Home

Happiest Moment: Knowing that I have been loved

Confused Moment: What is going to happen to me?

Proudest Moment: Finally cleaned up my room (tho the outlook still remains unchanged but the drawers and cupboards are neater, man... another round to go next week to clear my table and what not nonsense. Tiring.)

Safest Moment: Sending my parents back home safely, no cars were hurt.


Moments become my memories. Some stay some go. I guess I have made the first step to a better life by unclustering the "seen" mess. The next is to uncluster the "unseen" mess inside of me.

I can feel my smile coming back. All thanks to people around me who are constantly encouraging me and being there for me.

THANK YOU. Those two words are never enough to express my gratitude towards all who have been there for me.

I apologise if I have been ungrateful and misunderstood as being unappreciative. If you ever feel like I've taken you for granted, I am sorry. It's just that I am sometimes too tired to think. I know it's not an excuse but I am only human too...

posted by JL @ 5:45 PM 0 comments

the million and one update

Feeling: burpy
Playing: Daniel Powter's Bad Day
Location: Home

Alrightty. My twenty-first just passed. I had my celebration on 25th. Too many pictures to show, so I'm gonna show you just one. Cos I am too tired and lazy to edit them. keke... Read Kris' blog if you wanna see some photos.

Here goes...

yeh yeh... QiQi was selling me for $1.60 to Kris...


Oh yes.. a day before that... I attended a wedding at Hyatt Hotel. The theme was black. Cool. I likeyy... It was my Godma's cousin's wedding. Not very close, so my family sat quite a distance. I got bored at the table (i am the one and only young lady there, no topics with the rest of the uncles and aunties) so I decided to snap a pic with papa.




Finally... We had the chance to take a quick shot. Pretty not? Handsome not?


Erh... and there was the TP which seems to be one of the hardest test I ever took.


It was a fast test. I skipped the slope. I didn't finish my test route. But I passed. woOhOOooo....


Being overjoyed... I went to celebrate. erh.. my birthday. hehe.. Eric made up to me for not coming for my celebration on sunday.

Yey! I thank all who made my day special. Appreciate each and every present that everyone gave me. I love all of them! smiles. Especially from YY's gang, Regina's gang, LV&Jo's gang, and so many more... THANK YOU. "xie xie".

posted by JL @ 11:16 PM 0 comments